I've been roaming around

This is one of those nights.

You feel cranky, a bit sick (physically and of just about everything), not in the mood to work at all. You don’t mind loud music, but you don’t realize that you actually want some—in fact, need some—until you hear some; even trashy music would work. Or maybe after all, you just want to be by yourself for just one bit?

Riding in the most ghetto manual truck in which no radio is installed, having music played out loud on a speaker in the back. Driving past this hippy street with these great restaurants that I have only been to once or twice, but have probably mentioned over five times, because there is no time. No time for good things. Singing and lyrics in the background, I looked out the window as we were zooming by everything. All these shops that are familiar, but they don’t mean much to me. I thought about life, people, the good times in another country... I thought this: “I want to be somebody”.

In this sphere of reality, so hard to find something that you truly indulge in doing, some form of ambition. Realistically, when you finally find it (and I have to emphasize finally because once it’s discovered, the more you think about it, the more you see how precious it is), you may learn to see the obstacles that are in the way—one by one—of where you genuinely want to reach. The dream is in your mind; so clear, so close, yet so far.
I’m walking on a path piled up with all these things that are supposedly leading me there. I’m thinking to myself: “There’s nothing that I want to do more than this.” and I’m walking and walking, sometimes running, I don’t even see the blurred frame of this temporary destination.

I fathom: we are lovable because we are fragile and weak at times.

When this temporary destination feels so foolishly far far away, I just want to wander wishfully and wonderfully. It is at times like this when I see how it is like to enjoy life as tasting good wine. They are right, it is the process that counts and that is the most delightful and real. Yet we often lose sight on our way there, too blinded with all the requirements and expectations; we get lost instead of wandering.

Don’t forget what life is and don’t forget about it.