I haven’t exactly figured out my life yet, but with these glorious food, it’s hard to resist to not care for a thing and have a taste of the wonderful edibles that exist in this world.
it also makes me forget about the need to plan stuff out..
so my friend told me his exact plan in the next 7 years or so. he said he is going to get his first million when he is 23.
what do i want to have achieved by 23?
in this moment, i am still engaging myself in the canadian athletes’ glory of 14 golds - not only world record - but the last hockey gold medal game was ... deserving, real, and victorious.
..engaging myself in their victory
today i learned the reason why we become so into big events like olympics. as peasants, we seldomly get to be involved in things that are so huge..and being part of a big event allows us to be engaged in something much bigger than ourselves, thus sharing a sense of larger importance. when our nation wins, we experience a kind of victory that most of us will never be able to have, personally.
when i think about my own dreams.. which leads to an interesting thought because my dreams are not ridiculously big like i wanna become an astronaut or something like that, but i have high expectations, of myself, in a way. it’s weird ‘cause i always hear things like “don’t be so harsh on yourself” but im not a person that strives for perfection all the time. im a medium, average person, in everything i’d say.
but i think so. fucking. much. it always drives me insane.
anyway, so back to thinking about my own dreams, that leads me to think of my habit of getting upset when close friends/family members leave town for say more than two weeks. i know it’s ridiculous, it’s only two weeks kathy, wtf are you getting worked up for? but i think there’s a couple of reasons. first of all, ever since i was small, i used to cry everytime when i left the park, just because i had to say goodbye to little friends that i only met for 20 minutes or so. i don’t like saying goodbye.. it gives me uncertainty of their safety (like i can save their lives when im around them) and just .. like i lost some directions. and thats also related to the second reason- because my motivation is not as strong as theirs. and when those that are close to me are ones that chase after their dreams, it makes me feel empty inside because i am not able to do something so courageous..and carefree. i can do impulsive shit but so far, not this, not chasing after my dreams. it’s so easy to say it but so hard to do. there are reasons why i cannot carelessly chase after what i want to do.. and i think they all have to do with my close friends/family. like my family, it matters to me more than the need to pursue my dreams. sounds crazy but yea, i still can’t do it.
but i gotta stop making others be like me, when they can be so much more, right?
anyway, on a lighter note, i was really engaging myself in these talented kids too- i always wish i was more talented and musical. maybe i’ll develop some more skills. i don’t care if it was the weed or drinks that they consumed, i heard some good music in this small, hippie, venue that night. same feeling as the whole olympic thing- when they had a good performance, i felt like i refreshed myself with all my dreams in the music field too.
and this is one of the pics that i took of this interesting plant.. isn't it so beautiful? it looks so fragile too
if you click into it you can see more details in the plant!! its absolutely amazing!
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