adrenaline is for heroes

today i’ve been such an impulsive bitch.

so i met up with two friends and we got to the topic of hookah because friend A saw the pics of me and friend C having a hookah session. turned out that they were surprised of friend C smoking,but i always find surprises from her so i wasn’t so surprised .. yea that sounded paradoxical but sometimes when you keep finding out things about a friend that surprise you,not necessarily in a bad way, the level of surprise decreases, same with everything else, like utility,happiness,tastiness in food? but enough of that,we got to the topic of smoking cigarettes. and we took turns asking each other if we smoke regularly,and friend B, who is a regular smoker,asked if i smoke regularly,i said “no..no i don’t do that” and i just sort of repeated that about twice to thrice, which results in friend B's quoting me: “hah..’i don’t do that’..” its funny ‘cause she said that in a tone, like indicating that i’m trying so hard to stay “innocent” or “pure”. more interestingly, it follows with a sense of bitterness. i didn’t think about this until we parted in the rain,and friend B was having a smoke when i left. did i offend her? did i make her feel “different”? did i make her feel “bad”? did i .. discriminate her,in a sense? we’ve been talking so much about discrimination in class -- among disability,race,class.. i just didn’t think i’d make such a mistake on discriminating her,indirectly. when i said “no i don’t do that” i seem to have created an identity of the Other onto this friend B. “i don’t do that”, as if smoking belongs to a lower level, makes her sound dirty. if only i thought into it more before i said that, i wud call that an impulsive response that i gave. but maybe what i’ve been talking about in the past 300 words does not describe how friend B actually felt either. maybe i have just impulsively assumed her feelings on my own.

second impulsive thing that i did, was one of the typical things that i feel such a strong need to do, and they never ended up great. speaking up for a friend, or for urself, always seems to be the right thing to do. but i don't even seem to get a positive feedback.
yea that was pretty impulsive,maybe i should have thought more into it too, ‘cause i have no idea of whats gonna happen after i sent that msg.

another impulsive thing that i did: started this blog. but this one is not so much on the negative side :)