People come and go.

It’s true. And just when you want to ask if any of them could stay, you’d realize plenty of them did—all those people around you did.
Even if they were just there, like that list of “friends” that you entitle to on Facebook, they stayed; you might have grown up with them, were best friends at some point, never liked them, or have had an almost-complete conversation with once or twice.

They were there all along, and they are still around.

So what does it mean when one says “people come and go”? As in...in and out of one’s frame of life? By that, does it mean within everyday, school, work, neighborhood, internet, or a phone number?
At the end of the day, how is one supposed to feel connected to anyone without physical interaction or technical communication; when will people actually “stay”?
How is it possible, for this flow of relationships to go by so casually, so mindlessly, and so heartlessly? Or is it in itself, realistically and entirely, merely casual, mindless, and heartless?

Is it more appropriate, or shall I say, beneficial for myself, to not be affected with the idea of “casual relationships” because people do come and go, which is a social pattern that many people live with? Otherwise, my emotions would be too all-over-the-place, for people come and go while I am not capable of letting go, of forgetting, and of forgiving myself.

What to do, what to do. Nothing to do.

People come and go.

Greetings from the awake

Morning is my favorite part of the day.

Evening to midnight are tempting because they are often spontaneous and fun, but I suppose it would not have been as much of a good night if I didn’t have a refreshing morning.

Do you have a big window at home, where there is a platform or some sort of space where you can sit by, and sip on your very first coffee or tea of the day? It is my (ideal) daily routine; to be close to the window with my drink very first thing in the morning, and maybe have a piece of toast.
If it was a nice day, the warm rays of light lift me up; acting like a reminder of the One who brought everything to me, to us. What grace it brings, what warmth and acknowledgement.
If it was a cloudy day, I would want to sit even closer to the window, so that I could get as much natural light as I could. Cloudy days might seem boring, but I’d say they are a sacrifice that contrasts on the sunny days and the rainy days. They are almost like the middle child, who is often not cared for as much and who looks for someone or something to be loyal to.
If it was a rainy day, oh it would be a time for indulgence in fragility. Rainy days make it just that much easier to self-pity, to reflect, to think, to be sorrowful, while being perhaps subconsciously aware of the fact that everything is okay for there is still a shelter shielding you from the rain. I often feel beautiful and elegant on rainy days, where there are lingering thoughts in my head—maybe denied and unrevealed regrets—yet I know that I have everything I need, and more is to come. I guess it is within this sense of security that I am allowed to become greedy in wanting more, and yearning for what I do not or cannot have. That is also the source to feeling especially pretty on such days; are not beautiful people beautiful because they have the power to be greedy while knowing that they can, or already, have it all?

In the morning, one is able to see all things still from the previous night that emerged to day; one can catch them off guard, see the very most natural, peaceful, and calming face of all. It is the time before things go wild preparing for the conscious and unconscious day, and after, for some is attempts of, rest in restlessness.

Diamonds or Gold

It feels powerful to be motivated, to have the desire of yearning for something more; believing that this is not it, that there must be more to it than this; I must be able to have more, experience more, acquire more, and be more.

Simultaneously, some say that it’s silly because we’re always “looking for gold while sitting on diamonds”; what’s more, what is right in front of you could be that “something” which you’ve been searching everywhere for, dripping sweat and blood, it just hasn’t hit you yet.

So how do you know? How do you know when to hold on because that is the something you’ve been looking for while being unaware of this fact, and you’d better hold on to it? But how do you know when to let go because there’s something more out there, and therefore it is okay to let this be part of your past?

When you’re on your way to something greater—qualitatively and quantitatively speaking—you know you’re going to have completely different thoughts in the future; perhaps you’ll even transform to a completely different person. Then, what you want and what makes you happy will change as well, and you will most likely not want what you have right now, or perhaps even what you are happy with, right now.
I think that is a frightening thought; more horrid when you know it’s going to happen.
Torn between holding onto what you’re happy with right now and something that you believe you must pursue; all of a sudden, it’s like your entire future is flashing before you. That choice, or rather, being certain about having to leave your old self behind for the supposedly better self, was probably once exciting but now terrifying for it being so much of a matter of fact, of certainty.

You may start questioning if you really want to desire something different from what you desire now. However, the crucial part here is the word “desire”; in the future, you are going to desire something different from now, which means by then, you don’t want what you have right now because it is no longer what you want, it is almost as if it won’t be enough—this is the scariest; to know that you’ll want something completely different from what you treasure the most at this very moment, this very endearment that you hold on to. To know that such endearment in which you believe so much in, in which you have attached every sense of your being, will be out of the question, out of your own mind, in the near future.

I’m so very terrified.

When it all comes down to the end, is it predetermined, is it part of His plan, is it chance, or is it a matter of choice, of what we become, what we have, what we hold on to, and what we desire?

Do I want diamonds or gold, and do I have to make a decision now?