tonight

its a restless night,

eat macaroni and cheese out of the pot, on the doorsteps, at 1 30am with a high/drunken friend,

share scary stories, then realize my stories are like the mosquitos flying around compared to my friend’s, in which she almost got killed by 3 bears, or something like that.

don’t close the front door,

watch a tailless dog walk by, and listen to coyotes,

feel the irony, and maybe a bit of fear, as i have my comfortable and perfectly safe home behind me and yet, i can almost visualize the bloody, cruel nature right in front of me—the image in front of me, like it’s going to collapse and overwhelm me.

go lie down on the walkway right in front of my house with my friend while she smokes, inevitably take in some secondhand smoke myself, but not forgetting to enjoy God’s masterpiece—the stars that decorate the dark sky, the unbelievably evenly laid out clouds that take up a perfect portion of the sky, the tips and edges of the outline of the trees.

then guess if the clouds are moving to the left or the right,

and imagine what the stars look like, if i could see them more close-up,

stare at one star, and watch it twinkle.

feel a sense of self-consciousness when cars drive by, just a few steps away from where our heads lie, wonder if any of those front light spots us, there, lying on the floor at 2 30 in the morning.

realize how foolish and contradictive of it is to feel self-conscious while doing something that requires the minimal level of conscience.

just let loose a bit, lose the self consciousness, lose the rules, the norms, the sleepiness, the metabolism, the exercise...

leave some people out of my mind, leave myself in bed, and just breathe.